#525
The Father Wound Behind Your Authority with Terri Cole
How the father wound shapes your authority, from bosses to pricing. For the high-achieving woman who is always okay, therapist Terri Cole shows where it starts and how to heal it.
Terri joins me to talk about her new book, Father Wound, and why she calls it a worthiness wound at its root. If the person who was supposed to protect you and hold you in high esteem didn’t, your value has to come from somewhere else. For so many of us, that means achieving, over-functioning and never asking for help. Terri shares how her own ambition turned out to be fear. She also explains why you can carry this wound even if you had a good dad, a dad who got sober, or a dad who died before you knew him.
We spend real time on transference. It’s the reason a boss raising his voice or a doctor’s cold manner can make a grown woman feel seven years old again. Terri tells the story of the doctor she avoided at work until her therapist asked who he reminded her of. She gives you her three Qs for clarity to use any time your reaction feels bigger than the moment. We also connect it to money: why the little girl in charge can’t negotiate a raise or stop undercharging.
Terri explains why she doesn’t believe in traditional forgiveness, how to release yourself from resentment prison, and what to do when you are waiting for an apology that may never come.
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KEY POINTS:
00:00 Ambition and Overfunctioning
04:07 Dating Unavailable Men
05:32 Father Wound as Worthiness
07:42 Defining the Father Wound
11:58 Beyond Biological Fathers
14:22 What Makes a Good Dad
17:20 Authority and Transference
20:25 Three Questions for Clarity
22:29 Money and Undervaluing
24:49 Symptoms and Health Costs
26:52 Forgiveness and Boundaries
30:45 Context After Healing
33:30 Stop Waiting for Apologies
36:15 Self-Parenting and Freedom
38:19 Book Launch and Bonuses
QUOTABLES:
“We are literally the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
— Terri Cole
“The awareness is the first step. And if you can really start to be aware of the subconscious parts that are showing up and playing and driving the ship, so to speak, is when you can really start to get to a place of taking the power back.”
— Julie Solomon
GUEST RESOURCES:
[ORDER FATHER WOUND]
Pick up Terri Cole’s brand new book Father Wound, releasing November 17th, with bonuses, exercises, and meditations included at the direct link. Grab the book here.
[FOLLOW TERRI COLE]
Connect with Terri on Instagram @terricole for daily wisdom on boundaries, high-functioning codependency, and healing the wounds that run your life.
[LEARN MORE ABOUT TERRI]
Visit terricole.com to explore her other books, courses, and resources for women ready to come home to themselves.
RESOURCES:
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